Why I am not usually allowed out of the house.

Tonight I get to go to my first ever business dinner with my husband.

Let me lay this all out up front:  I do not do well in social situations.  The more people there are, the worse I do.  Especially when I don’t know anyone.  Let’s just say that small talk is not my forte.

First, I will be nervous, and I will start to babble.  A lot.  So I’ll have a glass of wine to try to calm down.  Then I’ll have another.  Just in case.

Then I won’t know what to say to these people I don’t know, so I will focus on something in the room.  “Look at that lovely lamp!”

“Yes, lovely,” they will reply, confused.

“It looks like an antique.  Do you think it’s an antique?”

“Perhaps,” still confused.

Now there will be an uncomfortable lull in the conversation.  This lull will feel like an eternity.  I must fill this lull.  HOW CAN ANYONE STAND THIS LULL??!!?

“I wonder what materials were used in the making of that lamp?  It looks like it could be from a foreign country.  I went to Italy once and saw similar lamps.  Maybe it’s Italian.  I also saw glass lamps. Did you know they have beautiful glass in Italy?  They make lamps and glasses and platters and vases and all kinds of things!  They also have great food. Have you eaten real Italian food?  If you haven’t been to Italy you don’t know real Italian food.  I once ate dinner in the yard of a small house in Italy.   The proprietor made us call her ‘Mama’.”

*eyes glazed over*

Whew.  It’s getting hot in here.  Anyone want another glass of wine!?!?

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5 Responses to Why I am not usually allowed out of the house.

  1. Shannon your favorite friend says:

    And the other women go home and talk about how Michelle spent the entire night rubbing it in their faces that her husband took her to Italy and all their lousy hisband’s will do is take them to Olive Garden!

  2. They will be too busy coveting her flip-flops.

  3. Chris Thompson says:

    I like you Michelle. I hate small talk and I get very uncomfortable in a room full of people who I am just supposed to build a relationship with when I have to avoid interesting topics like religion and politics.

  4. Stacey says:

    Any good lamps at this party?

    • mweisenberg says:

      Thankfully I sat next to a lovely young woman from Istanbul and I let her tell me all about Istanbul. Then she asked my age and I found out she was 13 years younger than me. Then I drank more wine.

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