My family had gone to the theater to see a new release, and the theater was crowded. My smallest child was sitting next to my husband, curled up in his chair. An older woman came scootching (I don’t care what you say, spellcheck, it’s a word!) down our row just as the previews were starting. When she came to the seat which held Lucas, she turned around and began to sit. My husband said nicely, “Someone is sitting here,” but she didn’t hear him. He quickly said it again louder, “Someone is sitting here!!!” and yet, she continued to aim her ass at my child until my husband screamed, “SOMEONE IS SITTING HERE!!!” and put his hands up to shield Lucas from a grisly demise. Lucas, by now, was cowering in the corner of the seat. The lady turned around and seemed surprised to see someone in the seat.
RULE 1 – Always make sure the seat is actually empty before plopping down.
During the same movie we were treated to the sounds of a nearby couple who had brought their lunch. Their menu included several canned sodas, chips, and nuts, seemingly individually wrapped in cellophane.
RULE 2 -please bring your snacks in fabric bags, and for Pete’s sake, do not bring nuts individually wrapped in cellophane
The highlight of the movie was the elderly couple seated directly in front of us. They were completely enthralled with the movie, and the wife repeatedly expressed her excitement to her husband, Frank, throughout the movie.
“FRAAANK!” she squawked, sounding exactly like Jimmy Neutron’s teacher. “THESE SPECIAL EFFECTS ARE AMAAAZING!!”
(if you are unfamiliar with the shrieking squawk of Jimmy Neutron’s teacher, you might want to hit up Youtube)
“OH MY GAAWWDD, FRAAANKK!!”
And our personal favorite, when our hero/main character emerged from what seemed like an untimely demise, “FRAAANK! HE’S ALIIIIIIVE!!!!!”
RULE 3 – If you are old and hard of hearing, save your comments for after the movie.
I could go on, but baby steps, people.