My Fair Teenager

My two boys fight endlessly.  I’m sure you are shocked by this revelation.  They are six years apart in age, and worlds apart in personality.  Of course, they both are masters at pushing each other’s buttons.  They know exactly what to do down to which facial expression will set the other one off.  And they revel in it.

When we leave them at home alone together, I get the usual litany of phone calls.

“He ate my french fries!”

“He’s bugging me and my friends!”

“He won’t let me play xbox!”

Because I am an awesome mother, when I am out and I receive a phone call like this, I hang up without a word.  If they call back, I hit ignore.  They’ll figure it out.

One night my husband and I were attending a poker fundraiser for our football team.  In the middle of the festivities, my phone rang, our home number visible on the screen.  I sighed dramatically, rolled my eyes, and answered  brightly, “Yeeeess?”.

All I could hear was sobbing and something that might have been words.

More dramatic sighing followed.  From me.

After many reassuring and soothing words, I was finally able to calm my youngest down to the point where I could understand him.

Small Squishy Child:  *sob* Jordan *gasp* won’t *hiccup* stop talking *sob* in a British accent!

Me: Huh?

SSC: *hiccup* Jordan won’t stop talking *gasp* in a British accent!!!  *waaaaailll*

Me: *sighing and holding my head in exasperation*  Put him on the phone.

Child Who Thinks He’s Hilarious:  ‘Ello Govna!

Me: Seriously?

CWTTH:  Wot?

Me: Can you please stop talking in a British accent?  You’re making your brother cry.

CWTTH:  Bloody ‘ell!

Me: Just stop!

CWTTH:  Alrighty then, govna!

Me: *sighs deeply  and disconnects*

I’m not cut out for this shit.

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14 Responses to My Fair Teenager

  1. dianna says:

    further evidence that Jordon and Sophia were seperated at birth

  2. Sounds like my two – I swear they can fight over IMAGINARY objects…

  3. I wish all of my kids would talk in a British accent. All the time. As a matter of fact, I wish they were British.

    • mweisenberg says:

      Teen daughter thinks she’s British. Favorite TV station: BBC. Even spells things “British”. Favourite, colour…..
      Wants to apply to colleges in England. I may have to put my foot down.

  4. Shannon Stephens says:

    I think you need another child.

  5. Tamee says:

    Can I give my kids your phone number?? Of course you could charge for this service. Or maybe we could be like doctors and have a rotation of Moms that handle “on call” duties. Just a thought….

  6. Lance says:

    I have 3 girls, 17, 9, & 8. The teenager tries to ignore, well, all of us, while the 9 and 8 year old plot evil doings, daily. They also argue, constantly. My girl argue about really important stuff, like, who the cutest One Direction member is, who gets to sleep on the top bunk, whether or not Kickin It is a better show than Shake It Up, and who used the last of the shampoo.

    Feel better about your boys, now?

    greta blog. Found you through the one and only Let Me Start aka Kim

  7. Kat says:

    I’m assuming that telling him “‘e’s just gone ’round the bend a bi’, luv” would have been the wrong answer. Which is why I have two dogs.

  8. Alicia says:

    Everything sounds better with an accent….

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