At one point in my life I was a 5th grade teacher. I really enjoyed being a teacher, and would absolutely love to do it again, but for now I have chosen to stay home and be available to my kids for things like, “I’m out of chap stick, can you put some in my locker?”. I live for that shit.*
*Editor’s note: No, I don’t.
I do have many fun memories of my time in the classroom. 5th graders are amusing and interesting little people, truly coming into their personalities. They never failed to make me laugh, sometimes unexpectedly.
One day I told them how great they were working, and that most likely I would let them out a few minutes early for recess because of this. When it came down to the last few minutes before recess they were way too hyper for me to even think about letting them out.
“If you think you are going to go early, you’d better give me a reason to do it,” I announced.
The kids immediately started shushing each other, and sitting up very straight with their hands folded on their desks.
I gave them my best serious, skeptical look.
“Mrs. Weisenberg, you sure are looking pretty today,” offered one student.
My eyebrows went up, unconvinced.
“You are the best teacher we have ever had!” enthused another.
“Mmmmm hmmmmm,” I responded.
“You’re so smart!”
“Tell me more,” I encouraged them.
“I love your clothes!”
“You make the best lessons!”
They seemed to run out of superlatives.
Suddenly, from the back of the room…
“You’re so THIN!” shouted one of the boys.
It’s important they learn the proper way to flatter a lady early in life.